I agree with a lot of what your (very intelligent) reader/commenters are saying as are you yourself; hurt and hate can come from so many places. As Jacqueline says, it seems sad that hate/hurt cloaked in religion can turn one against it forever. But by the same token, I’m not sure that, for everyone, forgiving their religions, “forgetting” the scars is the ideal either, even were it possible. Perhaps Shalom’s gift is in his humor, his secular writings, maybe he will find G-d that way, maybe he won’t, but surely he is serving himself and those who love him by healing/helping himself first.

I just watched Sisters Magdalene about the Irish Catholic “laundries” for “wayward girls” and wow, it’s hard to imagine they could ever return to their faith or see it positively.

One other tiny comment to Ruth. When you say “non-Christian” religions aren’t the only ones that have laws that can be used to abuse… in other words “Christian” ones do, too… I get your point, I do but… 1) most Jews don’t consider themselves Christian (so the Shalom example wouldn’t apply really 2) I think like other posters say the point is that it WASN’T the religious law that hurt Shalom but his family dynamic, alcoholism, coupled with orthodoxy more than any one rule of his religion.

I grew up hearing a lot about the importance of moderation in all things. Guess I still think that’s true/wise.

The problems inherent in the God As Father Figure psychological bait-and-switch was something that I had unearthed in my soul-searching before entering Islam.

For years, it had been a comfort to me- I looked to my Heavenly Father to stand in where my earthly father fell. Yet, on a deeper level, embedded into my psyche was a distrust of God as Father because I’d learned that fathers weren’t good guys. I am very grateful for uprooting that. Islam’s refusal to anthropomorphize God was thus a comfort to me.

Having been raised Southern Baptist, I can relate to many of the things Auslander has to say about orthodoxy. I too rejected what had been handed to me– thinking I was an independent thinker…
not so.
I had to learn to actually see the texts FOR MYSELF and not accept others’ interpretations of them as The Way- whether that meant following their interpretations of them, or rebelling against them.

I pray that Shalom (along with Hirshi Ali and her tribe) will be able to resolve the scars their families left behind… and realize that because abusers will use any means necessary to justify themselves and scapegoat others, does not mean its the religion’s fault. I hope that he can be his name.

The exceptional gift that humans have that no other creature- even angels- have, is CHOICE. You’re spot on RW. If folks are not allowed to choose for themselves, it causes deep scars as it is an affront against their very humanity.

But, “Alcoholic father + ANYTHING = Nightmare” in my opinion!